Autumn · frosts · have · slain · July.

yes

Lent.

i can never hear that song without crying. it makes me cry.

stones don't shake. i was thinking about that in bio, i was thinking that stones don't shake except maybe atomically because even though solids are locked inside their grids they quiver.

i
i told mr. ray that joke today. i ask him, what do you call a weird spaniard? And he stops and thinks for a moment, a long moment, and replies something like "coco loco", maybe it's spanish but i don't speak and i burst "francisco bizarro", and he looks very tired and says i don't know which is worse, that you made that joke or that... i don't remember what followed. i exiled myself for a minute and came back in, laughing and spinning.

that's one of the most painful things i can think of. the song, i mean.

i bought two audrey posters today. not the classic shades at tiffany's. one is the movie poster, but one is just her face, just her face looking very demure and innocent and serious, god i love her eyes and want to stare into them for a while. it's a fluttery feeling, whenever i see them.

I believe I haven't addressed you fine folks in a while, so I thought I'd give an update on life happenings and my current plans for the year. Obviously this blog was premeditated - I took the time out to select an Icon other than my default (just a little "clue you in")- but unplanned up until a few minutes ago. What sparked this sudden departure from my usual reflections and presentation style according?  Whilst browsing my previous posts, particularly more recent ones, I became horrified at just how disordered the writing was! Granted, those were fortuitous acts of passion and exactly what this journal is for, but I feel the need to churn out something less threatening and "cryptic" for the sake of my friends, as a sign of goodwill and perhaps assurance of my sanity.
Call it a crazy corner, if it comforts you. This is merely a place where I can clean out a few flighty thoughts with the safety of being somewhat anonymous.


Well, now that that's over with! 
Have both of you seen my schedule?

1A- Economics
2A- Directing
3A-Stage Craft
4A- Ap Environmental Science

1B- Playwriting
2B- Useless Things
3B- Duel Enrollment English
4B- College Prep Math

Due to my flailingly poor mathematical abilities, I opted out of Calculus and as I recall Statistics didn't fit with any combinations of my arts classes. I decided taking a year of sub-par (or maybe standard) math would be my best option to keep my memory sharp about those number/letter rules and whatnot.

I'm currently reading 1984, somewhere around page thirty- but I'm hesitant to check out any books from the library as they've accused me of failing to return The Sound and The Fury, which was dropped in that powder blue book chute two months ago.

It worries me, honestly, because I like that library and I like the people who work there.
It worries me, because then I'd pay for a book I've returned and I'm cheap and honest.

 
I've lost about five pounds, which is normal for some people during the summer. What's bothering me is my inability to eat the same amount of food as I used to. I'm talking about two or three plates a few years ago, which has shrunken (pun may be intended) to anywhere from a third of a plate to one. While restaurant servings are massively out of proportion to actual dietary needs, I can't help but feel slightly odd staring at a steaming plate of chicken on rice pilaf with homemade chips knowing I won't be able to finish it now.
I feel almost... demascunilzed in a sense, knowing I probably couldn't hold my own if some brash, bawdy fellow challenged me to a pigfest anymore.

I'm not unhappy about the change, but that nagging feeling I get when I toss food I can't get home is ingrained into my character- and I rather like it that way!

Some car just pulled up into our driveway, so I'm afraid that's all I can say for the present.
See most of you soon,
 

I need to keep my mouth shut, my damn mouth shut,
i talk too much, ido i do i 

i don

THERE'S NOTHING TO DO./
I'm wondering around and there's nothing to do, and good god,
i;m making myself sick again

iiii

jesus.

This is highly unflattering.
Really, I should go about this in a logical manner but there's a WILDCARD and you can't really predict those, can you?!

It's too tight to be emotional and i 
REALLY SHOULD stop being honest.

it's another phase or phrase we'll turn into something more than what it is as an act of digression because by the time i realize things or crawl out long enough to wonder
but it was never too late, really.

it's not even regrettable, it's not even a choice

but umm...

that is pretty disgusting. thank you for telling me that, i now see one more person in an entirely different light.
i'm not even going to talk about that little thing-really, i'll work it out-

but uh...

that shirt is amazingly soft and will be in the wash very soon.
tell her i said thank you.
by the by,
would you like to go to the movies?

I thought it was .. eh, a um. Well, someone close to you, actually. 
Maybe even you.

I wonder, sometimes, if anything's ever addressed to me. You know, getting nowhere, fucking intellectual (by the way, I'm mimicking her as well. Being quite honest (in fact, I might have turned out like her) but it still calls for some serious adjustment.)

What can I say? I wasn't lying. I'm a living lie, for sure.

Charming, isn't it?

I'd like to end there, but in case the self-deprecation was addressed to me...
you haven't studied me well enough, I suppose.

I'm so confused half the time, I actually mean what I say.

I don't think you got my compliment yet, which was sent quite earnestly, honestly.
Might have ruined the morning.
Mourning.
Might -

As a later thought, 
constantly confused and abhor alliteration, as abilities associated with aforementioned art are....
abysmally lacking. Although absolutely appreciative, I simply cannot sustain such ..
Heh.
Hahahah....

I mean, I typed that out but I mentally vocalized it, ya hear?
I'm smiling in spite of the relative disappointment of certain things.